Butcher’s dog appalled by ugliness rumour

A butcher's dog is said to be appalled by a rumour circulating that they are ugly. Älskling-Bergman, a Swedish Lapphund, said: "I have a...

Aung San Suu Kyi receives Nobel Irony Prize

Pro-democracy activist and genocide spectator Aung San Suu Kyi has been awarded the newly created Nobel Irony Prize at a ceremony in Oslo today....

Remainers swayed by reinstatement of duty free

The Brexit debate has evaporated overnight after the Remain campaign were informed that Brexit also means the reinstatement of duty free between the UK...

Mars Curiosity Rover: Can I come home now please?

Following the 2000 day anniversary of its stay on Mars, a curious message was received today by NASA Mission control stating simply: "Mission accomplished...

Teenage boys prepare for summer holiday w*nkathon

Teenage boys across Britain are stocking up on masturbatory related paraphernalia in preparation for a long summer holiday wankathon, it can be revealed. Steven...

University Challenge: AI analysis suggests contestants are mostly weirdos

Google's artificial intelligence project "Deep Mind" better known for teaching itself to play video games and beating the world's best Go players has surprised...

Tom Conti released after Karadžić mix up

The actor Tom Conti has today been released from custody by an appeal court in The Hague after a "monstrous error"  led to him...

Buzz Aldrin: Armstrong called me ‘sugar tits’ during lunar descent

Buzz Aldrin claims that Neil Armstrong used inappropriate sexual language towards him during their lunar decent, it can be revealed. "We were flying at...

Theresa May launches military coup against herself

In the complete absence of a credible exit strategy, the Prime Minister Theresa May has launched a military coup against herself today. The Chief...

Cats trapped in endless grooming nightmare

A scientific paper published by the Steven's Institute suggests that cats are trapped in an evolutionary dead end because they have to clean their...

George Orwell: World shitter than 1984

The ghost of George Orwell has appeared at publishing company Random House to ask that they withdraw his highly acclaimed novel ‘1984’. Mr Orwell's...

Waterloo station in security lock-down after commuter smiles

There has been a security alert in London's Waterloo station after a commuter was spotted smiling by a member of the public. The alarm...

Teenager shocked to discover Adam Ant not a real highwayman

A teenager from Islington in London has been shocked to discover that Adam Ant is not a real highwayman but in fact a "singer...

Everyone to be given a degree in ignorance amnesty

Under a new flagship education policy entitled "Degrees 4 All" the government is set to give an undergraduate degree to every person over the...

Cottaging community in turmoil as man uses public toilet as a...

Today the cottaging world has been thrown into turmoil amid reports that a man has used a public convenience, popular among the cottaging community,...

Waitrose bags for life mostly filled with Lidl shopping

A bag for life usage study published by the Stevens Institute has revealed that that the average Waitrose bag is mostly used to carry...

Peter Rabbit defies magistrate’s order to put trousers on

In the ongoing controversy surrounding Peter Rabbit today further allegations are emerging relating to his behaviour.  One Lake District resident described how, as she...

Davis regrets commissioning Brexit impact reports from Institute of the Bleeding...

The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union David Davis has expressed regret that the Institute of the Bleeding Obvious was commissioned to...

Chris Evans uncharacteristically silent amid BBC pay cut talks

The highly paid disc jockey Chris Evans has been uncharacteristically quiet amid talk of pay cuts by other well paid male members of the...

Don’t call me “Man of the forest” pleads Orangutan

An orangutan being studied by primatologist Professor Sandra Trent from the Steven's Institute has begun communicating complex messages using a new system of sign...