Cats trapped in endless grooming nightmare

    A scientific paper published by the Steven’s Institute suggests that cats are trapped in an evolutionary dead end because they have to clean their fur with a tiny tongue. Dr. Linda Briggs, from the Department of Biology which produced the paper, said: “We believe this evolutionary stagnation has occurred because a cat is equipped with a tiny rough tongue which must be employed to groom not only the entire covering of fur but also the anal/genital region and in between the toes. In evolutionary terms this is a nightmare scenario; similar to sheep who must eat grass all day simply to muster the energy to digest and excrete the consumed grass.”

    When we asked a tomcat called Mr. Muffins for a comment he said: “What you say is possibly true. I may have to lick my own arsehole from time to time but have you noticed that I do not have to work for a living? I come and go as I please and have no need for money or the gaudy status symbols so popular with humans. Now tell me again, who’s in an evolutionary dead end?”