An orangutan being studied by primatologist Professor Sandra Trent from the Steven’s Institute has begun communicating complex messages using a new system of sign language pioneered by Professor Trent. The ape known as ‘Bobo’ communicated the following message:
“Please don’t call me ‘Man of the forest’, like ever. Seriously, apart from the obvious gender bias in that statement anything humankind touches turns to complete shit including, ironically, the population of apes in this forest. So please, please don’t ever call me that. Thank you.”
Professor Trent reported in the Journal of Primate Studies: “When we first introduced Bobo to rudimentary signing he would ask for oranges and other treats but once he began to master our advanced signing phonics his communication grew ever more complex. It clearly demonstrates the almost human-like intelligence of the great apes and to be honest Bobo does have a point. I only hope that his acquisition of complex language doesn’t lead to some kind of Planet of the Apes style apocalypse. They have opposable thumbs so they just need to master fire and then it’s only a matter of time,” she added glumly.
Bobo finished his statement by saying: “Look, I just want to hang out in the forest, eat well and shag other orangutans from time to time. I swing both ways, no pun intended, so the variety is pretty awesome. By the way, what’s this ‘Bobo’ shit all about? My name is Tristram. I come from a bloody good family you know.”