Space genius Elon Musk here. People frequently ask me “Elon, you do Space X, Tesla, Solar City, Hyperloop and other ground breaking visionary projects. Just how do you do it?” And I usually tell them that it’s because I’m a genius and not a fucking idiot like them. Putting a rocket into space really is piss easy. It’s basically a prolonged massively exothermic chemical reaction underneath a long pointy thing. In fact it’s so easy I decided to reuse the first stage for further missions and save a few quid along the way. How did I do that you ask? By landing it vertically just like in the old sci-fi movies – never been done before – to be honest even I was impressed at that one.
“So what next Elon?” the cretins usually continue. “The moon Elon?”
The moon? Fuck the moon. I launched the Falcon Heavy to lift massive payloads to Mars and maybe even get passengers from London to Sydney in 45 minutes. Did you see what I launched on top of it? Only my Tesla Roadster – the fastest production car ever – playing David Bowie “Starman”, with a Douglas Adams reference on the dash screen which probably went over everyone’s heads. Seriously, doesn’t anyone have an imagination any more? This stuff isn’t difficult.
Anyway, I’m off to Musk Life Sciences to see how my human centipede is coming along. Yeah, that’s one of mine too.