Hawaiian residents dash for shelters after fake presidential visit alert

Panic stricken Hawaiian residents fled for their nuclear shelters today amid rumours that there was an unannounced visit from President Donald Trump in progress. The residents of Hawaii had secretly  agreed that should the President visit then they would go underground and pretend there was nobody in.

David Yutaka Ige, the Governor explained: “Look we’re basically perched on a volcano in the middle of the Pacific ocean but just look around you, it’s beautiful. The one thing we don’t need here is a man made disaster such as an oil spill, or, I don’t know, maybe the current President of the United States coming ashore and completely fucking our shit up.”

He continued: “This is a very delicate environment the equilibrium of which is already under threat from global warming and frankly having some lolo kanapapiki, as we say here, telling us otherwise and simply sizing the place up with the unappreciative eye of a realtor/oil prospector is something we can really do without. So we had 100% agreement among the voters that we would just pretend to be away visiting the in-laws if he arrived.

“Besides”, he added, “I have been told that the president thinks Hawaiian is just a pizza topping so there’s a good chance we won’t ever see the omoomo ule.”