Man buys fitness watch to accurately record laziness

A man has bought a hugely expensive sports smartwatch in a desperate attempt to motivate himself. Glen Jenkins, 32, went on a guilt and lager fueled Amazon shopping binge one night after coming home from the pub. He explained: “I was well lagered up by the time I got home and broke out the lappie for a spot of either porn or shopping, depending which way the wind was blowing. Anyway, the following morning I checked my inbox and fuck me if hadn’t bought a pair of swimming goggles, a Davina McCall ‘Toned in 10’ DVD, kettle bell weights, and an fucking eye-wateringly expensive fitness smartwatch.

“Five weeks into the new regime”, Mr. Jenkins continued, “and the watch is back in the box, mainly because it was recording little else other than 1000 steps and a 5 min surge in heart rate every time I put that Davina DVD on and let nature take its course. That watch recording everything! It’s like having my mum watching or something.”