Trump confirms swamp is drained and being refilled with his piss

President Donald Trump on Wednesday issued the following statement in relation to alleged failed election promises, in particular the promise to "drain the Washington...

Boris Johnson has portrait in attic that grows ever more competent...

Boris Johnson's attic contains a portrait of him that is growing ever more competent and magnanimous looking, according to his cleaner Sarah Penrose. Ms....

Facebook posts from ski slopes just there to mock your poverty

The deluge of Facebook posts showing friends skiing in exotic locations with their families are simply there to mock your poverty, it can be...

Colleague confuses flu jab with invincibility serum

A man who has been seen parading around the office after his flu jab is clearly confusing it with some kind of invincibility...

Broken down spacecraft drifts into really bad neighbourhood

A cigar shaped broken down interstellar spacecraft has unwittingly drifted into a really bad neighbourhood containing a planet populated by nasty dimwits. The tentacled...

Spy known as ‘007’ ordered to stop telling everyone his name

Alex Younger, Chief of the Secret intelligence Services (SIS), otherwise known as MI6, has issued a statement to say that they have identified the...

People reading wine bottles mostly looking for alcohol content

People in supermarkets who are reading wine bottles are mostly looking for the alcohol content, it has emerged. Brad Stewart, a Leeds based wine...

Elon Musk: Flying in space is piss easy

Space genius Elon Musk here. People frequently ask me "Elon, you do Space X, Tesla, Solar City, Hyperloop and other ground breaking visionary projects....

Pope does pope stuff

Pope Francis is out and about doing pope stuff, it can be revealed. On a recent flight from Chili the pope did some pope...

People of Earth issue statement: “We miss you George W. Bush!”

An open letter from the people of Earth published today has said simply: "We miss you George W. Bush."  Earth person Gemma Hathaway from...

Couple rename daughter to prevent Amazon Alexa confusion

A couple have decided to rename their daughter to prevent confusing their newly installed Amazon Echo device. John and Carol Dick of Bromley, Kent...

Hawaiian residents dash for shelters after fake presidential visit alert

Panic stricken Hawaiian residents fled for their nuclear shelters today amid rumours that there was an unannounced visit from President Donald Trump in progress....

Ringo Starr: What, I’m not already a Sir?

Ringo Starr has responded to the announcement that he is to be knighted by saying: "Gear! Wait. What? I'm not already a Sir? Macca...

Trump comprised mostly of cheesy Wotsits and candy floss, scientist reveals

Professor Ewan McBride from the Stevens Institute of Advanced Nuclear Medicine has published a paper in which he claims that the U.S. President is 83%...

Man buys fitness watch to accurately record laziness

A man has bought a hugely expensive sports smartwatch in a desperate attempt to motivate himself. Glen Jenkins, 32, went on a guilt and...

Cryptocurrency collapse will lead to massive schadenfreude bubble, economists warn

A collapse in the surging cryptocurrency market will lead to dangerous and unprecedented levels of schadenfreude and smugness, economists have warned. Professor Bill Evans...

Dave Grohl’s Toastie of the Week

Hi toastie fans. Rockin' Dave Grohl here with my weekly take on our favourite food - toasted sandwiches. Here at Foo Fighter HQ we...