Remainers swayed by reinstatement of duty free

The Brexit debate has evaporated overnight after the Remain campaign were informed that Brexit also means the reinstatement of duty free between the UK and the rest of Europe. Buoyed by the promise of of cheap booze and fags the misty eyed Remain campaigners downed their placards and walked across the no-man’s land of Parliament Square to embrace Jacob Rees-Mogg and his followers in an astonishing act of reconciliation. The combined group then erected a “May-Pole”, a giant tapestry depicting Theresa May punching a Polish immigrant, and danced around it feverishly until the early hours of the morning.

One emotional ex-Remainer said: “I can’t believe it. Finally I can once again get cheap voddie, Bensons, giant Toblorones, teddy bear dressed as a pilot, bloody brilliant. The high street is a right rip off anyway and it’s full of immigrants speaking foreign.

“Oh my God. I never used to speak like this. I’m a member of the National Trust for heaven’ sake, and the National Theatre. I’m predisposed to joining organisations starting with ‘National’ I suppose.”