Teenage boys prepare for summer holiday w*nkathon

Teenage boys across Britain are stocking up on masturbatory related paraphernalia in preparation for a long summer holiday wankathon, it can be revealed. Steven Dwight, Professor of Onanism at the Steven’s Institute said:

“Typically online retailers such as Amazon and Ocado see massive spikes in the sales of tissues, lotions and other onanistic aids in the run up to the summer holidays. Our data shows that while some of the tissue and lotion sales can be attributed to seasonal factors such as hay fever and sunburn, that upwards of 80% of the sales are masturbation related. Of course one shouldn’t be surprised by this effect given that males of all ages have a propensity to masturbate if they think they have five minutes to spare let alone the entire summer break on their hands, so to speak.”

Professor Dwight continued:

“In recent years, strongly vibrating electric toothbrushes have also shown a spike in sales and initial research suggests that girls are now getting in on the holiday wanking craze. I’m personally heading up a research group in the autumn to verify if this is a new social phenomenon.

God I love my job.”