Theresa May launches military coup against herself

In the complete absence of a credible exit strategy, the Prime Minister Theresa May has launched a military coup against herself today. The Chief of the Defence Staff, Air Chief Marshal Sir Stuart Peach said in a statement: “At 07:30 I received an order from the Prime Minister to come directly to Downing Street and arrest her. At first I thought the call might be an elaborate hoax but once the correct code word was issued I knew it was the real thing and dispatched an SAS squadron to storm Number 10 and take the PM into custody”.

A government spokesman said: “Following a short military engagement at Downing Street today the Prime Minister has forcefully removed herself from office. An interim government consisting of Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and David Davis, henceforth known as ‘Trinity Command’, has imposed martial law and will run the State until the situation stabilises and new elections can be held. Trinity Command has warned that this may take some considerable time.”

In further developments the Royal Family have ordered their things to be packed as the Queen was “totally sick of this shit”. Their destination is currently unknown but there are rumours of an LA based Netflix show entitled ‘Meet the Windsors’.