Professor Ewan McBride from the Stevens Institute of Advanced Nuclear Medicine has published a paper in which he claims that the U.S. President is 83% cheesy Wotsit, 12% candy floss all suspended on a 4% Twiglet lattice. Professor McBride said: “Using advanced Magnetic Resonance Spectroscopy techniques we have been able to show what many people suspected, that the president isn’t actually human but a clever automaton fabricated from popular snacks. The weight to strength ratio of a Wotsit is suprisingly low and therefore an excellent load bearing candidate for the president’s enormous candy floss head. Twiglets have outperformed carbon nonotubes in many stress tests and therefore make a highly effective scaffold for the entire unit.”
“It’s rather beautifully engineered”, he added.
When asked what the missing 1% might be Professor McBride pointed out that “we can only detect elements and compounds that are currently known to science and have been unable to identify the missing 1% although there are theories regarding what this might be. One exciting prospect is that it could be a theoretical element known as ‘Infantilium’ which has been predicted by dark matter theory but remains undetectable at present. If the president is in fact being powered by a minuscule Infantilium reactor then we are clearly dealing with something far beyond our comprehension.”